The Ben Franklin Effect

It might sound backwards, but one of the best ways to get someone to like you isn’t to do them a favor — it’s to ask them for a favor. This quirky psychological trick is known as the Ben Franklin Effect. It’s based on the idea that if we go out of our way to help someone, our brain tries to make sense of that choice by deciding, “I must like this person, or I wouldn’t have helped them.” In other words, we don’t help people because we like them — sometimes, we start liking them because we helped them.

This strange behavior was first observed by Benjamin Franklin himself. In his autobiography, he describes dealing with a rival in the Pennsylvania legislature. Instead of trying to win him over with kindness, Franklin asked to borrow a rare book from him. The man obliged — and afterward, their relationship changed for the better. Franklin realized that the act of doing a favor softened the man’s attitude. Centuries later, psychologists confirmed this effect in experiments, most notably a study by Jecker and Landy (1969), where participants rated someone more favorably after doing them a small favor.

The effect works because of something called cognitive dissonance (I’ve written a blog post about it. Click here if you want to read it) — the discomfort we feel when our actions and beliefs don’t match. If we help someone we previously didn’t like, our brain wants to reduce that tension. So, it adjusts by deciding we actually like the person more than we thought. That way, our behavior (helping them) makes more sense emotionally.

In practice, the Ben Franklin Effect is surprisingly useful. Whether you’re trying to break the ice with a new coworker, improve a tense relationship, or just want to connect with someone, asking for a small, reasonable favor can open the door. It might feel awkward at first, but remember — people often feel closer to those they’ve helped. It’s one of those moments where psychology flips our expectations — and it just might win you a new friend.