We’ve all been there — wronged by someone and dreaming of the perfect comeback or payback. The idea of revenge is deeply human, often portrayed in stories as satisfying or even righteous. But here’s the twist: research suggests that getting revenge doesn’t actually make us feel better. In fact, it might make things worse. This surprising contradiction is what psychologists call the “Revenge Paradox.”
At first glance, revenge feels like it will offer closure — a way to balance the emotional books. But studies show that carrying out revenge keeps the wound open, forcing you to dwell on the wrong over and over again. Rather than moving on, you rehearse the pain. It’s like picking a scab — satisfying for a moment, but it delays healing. Even when revenge feels justified, it rarely leads to long-term satisfaction.
This phenomenon was deeply explored by social psychologist Kevin Carlsmith, along with colleagues Timothy Wilson and Daniel Gilbert. In a 2008 study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, participants played a game where some were treated unfairly by others. Some were given a chance to take revenge, others weren’t. Strangely enough, those who took revenge felt worse, while those who didn’t were more likely to move on. The researchers concluded that revenge prolongs mental focus on the offense, whereas forgiveness or letting go allows psychological closure.
What’s even more interesting is that revenge can fuel a feedback loop. When you retaliate, the other person might feel they were wronged, justifying a new round of revenge — leading to cycles of conflict in everything from friendships to global politics. This isn’t to say we should let people walk all over us — but it does mean we need to be cautious about confusing short-term emotional relief with long-term well-being.
The Revenge Paradox reminds us that not all satisfying ideas are emotionally healthy. While TV dramas may glamorize revenge arcs, real-life peace often comes from letting go, not getting even.
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